11/07/25

[mossyswamptoad]

 I'm realizing that touch is my love language. which makes a lot of sense because I really prefer to be hugged by the people I love the most, which mostly ends up being whoever I'm dating. I think my mom has ruined the concept of family affection because she only ever hugs me when she wants a hug after a fight and that really sucks because I have this like mental feeling of a mother loving and hugging me. but whenever she hugs me I feel nothing. I feel empty. and the entire time me and my boyfriend are having an issue. all I wanted was to be held by him because he's the only love I've known in a while.  all I ever want to do is be embraced by love but I realized that most of my life ends up with me losing it and being completely disconnected.  I know that in the future my love language will probably end up changing just due to my circumstances in life. maybe I'll just end up being an active service person and making everything for everyone because I already make gifts for every single person in my life. hoping they'll stay longer.   I feel like I might be secretly evil and no one wants to tell me about it because I genuinely don't understand how every single person in my life could leave me the way they do it and I know if my mom had the option she would leave me to and it really just sucks