12/1/25

[mossyswamptoad]

I wish i was raised to be truly independent, because i might have been alone the whole time i was growing up, but i was never taught to take care of myself. and i was never taken care of. no one wants to have to take care of me and i can feel it. i see it in everyones eyes. i feel like my mom is turning me into a monster and one day im just gonna break. i wont be able to be kind anymore and i dont know what to do about that. im tired of being a burden to everyone in my life. im tired of forcing my way into having friends or a friend group or family even. i dont understand why i had to be given nothing. as ive grown up i can finally understand why no one understood what i was going through and it sucks. why does family suck. why does everyone grow so tired of me so fast. why is it December. why did my grandma have to die? i really feel like she was the only one looking out for ME. not looking out for a solution, not trying to quiet me. just trying to help me. show me love. but shes dead. and even before that she was fucking taken from me. i wish my dad didnt have to die. he didnt deserve to. i didn't deserve to lose him. i hate the world and god and everything because they took the ONE PERSON who could have actually made me better. now i have to fix all of my own problems because if i dont ill end up worse than my mom and i never want to be her.