11/07/25

[mossyswamptoad]

 this that with every passing day I am consistently just living my life trying to get to tomorrow and when you live like that every single day you lose a lot of life and you lose all your effort. and as I wish I could just stop doing this. I think this is a spiral I will be stuck in until I move out of my house and I don't know when this could ever be because I don't have a car or a job or money.  
I really want to get super personal on here but I know I can't because I eventually want to like soft launch this on other social media and how I post the blog and have people I know follow me so they can see how I'm doing but without having to actually check in on me because I prefer people not trying to figure out how badly I'm doing while I'm doing badly because I'm not going to talk you about it but I love talking about it. I just don't like telling people about it because I'm worried that I'm being manipulative. I honestly wish I was more involved with my therapist because that could probably help me a lot more. but I kind of just wish that I could even and talk to the people I care about more without feeling like I'm manipulating them into caring about me because I really just live a sob story and I hate it. but it's true it's my life. this is what I live through every single day and the fact that it makes people sad listening to it. I'm like guys. what about me? I'm living it